Sponge bath it is.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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