since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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