Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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