well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
