I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
