I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize
