no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
