He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
