He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
