My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
