I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
