just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
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