My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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