i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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