people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
