If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
