Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
