he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
