Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
