she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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