you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
