I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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