i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
