don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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