we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
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