We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
