accomplished twins. life is a go
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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