i would punch a child for taco bell
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize