I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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