i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
