She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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