my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I had to cum in my sink.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize