The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
