Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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