ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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