I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Welp...herpes.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
