His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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