im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
