There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
