Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
