when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
