when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
