I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
