I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
