Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
