the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
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