im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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