I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
