Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
