It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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