My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we made out on top of his cat.
only if we run a train.
done.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
