I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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